Journals
May 17, 2000
Battleground, Washington
We traveled north from Reno, through California and Oregon to arrive in the little town of Battle Ground, Washington. I had been promising my aunt Jackie and uncle Toby that I would visit them for several years so I thought it high time to make good on that promise.
Jackie is a high energy, happy little woman who loves to visit with... just about anyone! She revels in conversation on any topic, flitting back and forth from person to person like a butterfly feasting on nectar in a field of wildflowers. Her infectious smiles and laughter unlock even the most guarded of introverts drawing you into her wonderfully refreshing demeanor. I think Jackie knows what she wants out of life ... happiness and laughter... and she tries to create it whenever and wherever she can.
Toby is a man of few words who is as amicable as anyone you will ever meet. he is a genuinely easy-going person who would do anything for the people he cares about . He balances the gregarious nature of my aunt and brings continence to the union. I can remember thinking some years ago that they had the perfect relationship, they had been married for twenty some odd years and had the big house and nice cars we are all supposed to want. They have a beautiful daughter Kristen who has everything she asks for, well... almost everything. Stable jobs and a loveable yellow lab are icing on the cake. From the outside they have all the ingredients of the picture perfect American family. On the inside I now believe they are still searching, like so many of us, for the true ingredients of lasting happiness and fulfillment. Somehow those are overlooked in the recipe of the material world.
I feel disillusioned by this omission and even a little shortchanged. Somehow I'd imagined that the recipe for material happiness was all I needed. The house, boat, cars and toys, they never seemed enough. I was never satisfied with what I had and always in pursuit of more. It is a trap of sorts, getting caught up in possessions. It distracts you from balance in life. We are three part beings made of body, mind and spirit. Anytime we neglect one of these aspects of ourselves, we feel a lack. This is a natural occurrence, designed to alert us to a deficiency or imbalance in ourselves, it keeps us balanced and whole in our lives.
Most times I found myself making up for a lack in mind or spirit by heaping gobs of attention on my body. Collecting things to make life easier or more pleasurable on the outside or overindulging in one of the many things we call vices. Drinking, eating, sex, entertainment... whatever it is I chose as a distraction from the true cause of this sense of lack. The funny thing is this only increases the imbalance making my lack seem even more acute.
The only way to quell that sense of lack is to address the true source because spreading on more jam just makes the predicament a little stickier. If we don't watch our step, it is a short trip to addiction. Then its not a matter of wanting... but needing whatever the distraction may be.
To Jackie, Toby and Kristen, I hope you find that balance in your life and achieve the happiness and serenity you desire. Thank you for the wonderful conversations and your unmitigated hospitality. We both love and appreciate you for exactly who you are... however that may change.